Saying goodbye to 2011.

Biological infertility, a consequence of multiple underlying causes.

Health is a miracle that is granted to the one who looks for it.

Two statements that are confirmed in my year-end reflection.

Today, browsing blogs, I found a video on "functional medicine". It helped me to confirm some of my thoughts about what I'm doing to have a health every day let me be a better wife, better mother. And when I say mother, I mean not just a pregnancy at age 42! However, the openness to life that God gives us, makes me say: Let it be your will, Lord! My focus is to do, what I have to do: manage my health state, take care personally of my body and soul. Taking care of my person. The temple that God gave me to take care with the promise that He would dwell on it.

Well, back to the point. I've always had a sense that what happens to me has multiple causes. Some of them with a very long, long history. Like the thimerosal I used for so many years for my contact lenses. 

Confirmation of this began, when the first time in my life, Dr. H took a look at my charts. That was in April this year. Then, when I see him in October, just finishing EPI.

Adding, there are 13 factors that I have made in the handling of my case. I commented to Dr. H my priorities and I concluded that my plan would begin MODIFYING THE UNDERLYING CAUSES of lifestyle that were within my reach.

What would they be? 

- Cortisol imbalance

- Inflammation

- My response to stress

- Improve my immune system.

I have clear that all this factors are well linked and that contributed to the underlying causes of the rest of the symptoms and other causes, still out of my reach. Strategic action.

In addition, doing these would not need surgery and could I make them in Mexico. Right inmediately. So, I got to work!

Tennis, NAET, chiropractic treatment (idea which I built up thanks to blog reading), Trans.ferFac.tor Plus, blogging, praying, drop bossing, reframing continuously and many other new practices...

This was back in October. Only 3 months ago. 


Something is working!


Systematical thinking! That's what I've been doing. Observe, record, test, test, change and start over. The effects are felt.

I know, there is more work to be done. The difference is that know I have a methodic acting.

Definitely in my life, miracles need to be worked! Thanks God for giving me the key :)

Advent Journey VI- He has appeared! with Advent Prayer Buddy Reveal.

Day 21. December 17. CD 37
Any given Saturday. Rest and play with children. Favorite breakfast: pancakes! My daughter loves them! And I make them delicious. My husband is in charge of a good cup of coffee. There's nothing like that first sip in the morning. Despite this, some difficulties in the dialogue. He is in stress because his trip. Is the first international account for our firm. A present of Our Lady of Guadalupe! At the same time, I think I'm nervous about the length of my cycle. I'm a little uncertain in my observations. Now, I do not even have premenstrual pain, or symptoms that preceded AF. I cannot fail on recognizing the good. Thank God! Prayer goes for you Buddy!

Day 22. December 18. CD 38
Relax sunday. Mass early. Lunch and rest. DH doing suitcase. I am feeling abandoned. What happens to me? Undoubtedly, PMS. Well, that's better than what happened in my life before. Bad habit to complain. I have to change! Please Prayer Buddy!

Day 23. December 19. CD ONE!
Today is my last appointment in the year of NAET. Then I will enjoy it! I explain how works: First, there are made a series of tests based on my history with kinesiology. My practitioner decides based on my body's response to various combinations. Normally, it has to do with the situation and experience at the time. For example, lately we have done all the combinations of hormones with egg. That makes my ovaries responsive to the hormones that make up my hormonal cycle. I can also share with the doctor about emotional events which sometimes are included. Bad reaction to those events is completely eliminated. It's like going to build a strong building brick by brick. It is also a special day. My husband on a trip and I have my first Intro Session with a client referred by my friend, colleague and partner AMTTBAM. How nice it is to work as a team! Thank you dear friend! Circus, acrobatics and theater because the lady who helps me in the afternoon with the kids is not coming. Finally I was helped by the nanny. She is an incredible person. I feel exhausted! Why not? Is my first cycle day... ...again... ...in almost 18 years. The feelings is a good offering for Pope intentions. I only see the Cross over my bed, trying to give a sense to the pain of this day. I believe, that anyone who lives IF could agree with me. 

Day 24. December 20. CD 2 
Tennis lesson. I tried to convince my son to come with me. Total failure. Anyway I really enjoyed the class. Offering thanks for you, dear Prayer Buddy. My child helps me to learn to be more humble and patient. Today my niece was born. The second daughter of my sister come by a C-Section. According to my sister that the gynecologist said there could be a natural birth, because "he did not want to risk." This clearly shows our current thinking. My heart cries, but I can not do anything. How would I for a pregnancy and what I fight for sure it was a natural delivery. I called my friend Pilar to eat with her and her daughter. What a nice surprise dinner with her ​​husband and father at home! My children really enjoy visiting. Then we went together to see my sister a few blocks walk. Excitement! Sofía, the baby just arrived to the room when we entered. I think it looks a lot like my sister and therefore me. What a joy it would be for my mom and dad to live this. It is not possible and I must confess I suffer a little. It´s pain of missing people you live.  I got some pampering because by the night I went to a special party for my kids, very traditional in Mexico, which is called Posada, the Novena before Christmas. That means that each day until the big day, we pray, sing a beautiful song, eat all sort of incredible things such as hot punch and candies of every kind. This was in the home of a very dear friend who is also Kindermusik teacher for my children. Incredible gift!
Afterwards a dinner with friends. They are great! Is people we know for almost 15 years! And we share our faith. In fact, our hostess has earned this year a grade in Theology. Five families, husband and wife with children, many backgrounds together. I missed a lot my DH, but I felt among brothers and sisters. We shared a little bit about our experiences this year and about what we needed to say thanks to the Lord. It was very emotional since there was the widow to our friend who passed away last january. Also a young priest, friend of us, joined the group.

Day 25. December 21. CD 3
Besides, I have lived a day in which I realized that I missed the device with which he entered the online bank. This is really serious. When I lost sight of was working in the dining room. Normally I do not, but I am in my office in my house, but as the children are on holiday, I chose to do transactions there. Bad idea! I can not find the gadget ... I really turned down each place of my house. I almost reviewed all boxes, baskets, drawers. Including the dog house and the car... I asked for help, I try to trust. I need go to sleep and still not appears. San Antonio, pray for us and our lost things. AMTTBAM is helping me! I think he has committed 13 coins with me, as tradition says. And prayer, if it is for the sake of him who prays, then it will be effective. I find it very funny at the same time, despite the seriousness of my problem. More learning humility and simplicity.

Day 26. December 22. CD 4 
Yesterday I brought to sleep home my sister's son. I ran to the hospital in the afternoon leaving my children with my cousin. As it was my nephew's birthday, she brought them to eat at a Mac Donalds. Meanwhile, I took the opportunity to go the Christmas meeting of the largest pro-life organization in Latin American. 150 Centers for Woman's Aid. 50 in Mexico and 56 in countries from Guatemala to Argentina. Please pray for this network. Daily they save at least 150 lifes of babies and souls of their mothers, preventing abortion. All of them in the highest position of vulnerability before 12 weeks of pregnancy. Abortion is considered legal only in Mexico City, so there is an open window to conduct this apostolate. I was invited to the Mass of thanksgiving. A privilege, to share with more than 70 volunteers and employees, including the founders. I have been witness of the courage! And guess what!?!? yes!! The online bank device appeared in the morning. While I was preparing breakfast for the kids, I told them that I was going to give a trophy to the champion who finds it. You have to meet my son. It was the right motivation! I thought it was possible that my little girl took it. And that was what happened! So, I was preparing myself to begin my trip of the day and Josemaría ran into my bathroom screaming: "Mommy! I got the prize!, here is your very important device!" I LOVE HIM! So, I need to pay to Saint Anthony and my friends that helped me. Thanks!!

Day 27. December 23. CD 5
Very, very happy that DH is back! I arrange a meeting with a new person who is going to be in charge of administration. I feel completely relief! I think is a very delicate gift of Mary. She is taking care of me. I like to make numbers, to develop a budget, to make a financial plan and to run it. But what I cannot accept is the bureaucracy of banks, tax office, telephone and cell companies. Really, is like Murphy´s law about inefficiency which prevails in everyday relationship with any of this entities. So, maybe I am going to be able to change and improve on this. Yes!! By night we are going to my brother´s house. They want to have a dinner because each one is going to dinner to their wife´s relatives. I hope my sister doesn´t go. What a surprise! She comes with her husband, her toddler and the baby. I cannot beleive it. She just arrived home with the baby and the c-section. Really I do not understand. If I were in here place, I would do completely the contrary. I really need to make and effort and shut my mouth. Of course, this goes directly to the account of my Prayer Buddy! It counts!

Day 28. December 24. CD 6
Finally the day has arrived! Today we celebrate Christmas Eve at home. only the four of us. Exciting!! What do we do? We woke up late, make pancakes and good coffee. We play, read the newspaper, a shower and got ready slowly. Bought something simple to eat. Besides the things, tomorrow we are goin to take to my brother in law´s house. We returned to the house later. We listen to music, we stay with the children. Enjoying! Since yesterday I started with the symptoms of a cold. I feel better today, but I notice that my son is too. All I know I can help. I think if we've come. Trans.ferfactor Plus has worked together with all other treatments. However, when it's late and I am preparing dinner, my son starts with symptoms of fever. I cannot resist. One day will write about the cause. Basically it was a hospital stay of 20 days. And my life changed. Now I consider myself more proactive and the medical director of my family. Health professionals are my suppliers. It's a paradigm shift. Has been worked. However, it has been a week of many emotions. Distracted, when I went to the kitchen to finish the ham, I heated a jar with honey in the microwave. I got burned two of my fingers! Thanks God only the fingers. It could be worst. You have to see the blister I´ve got. It hurts a lot. My first reaction is complain, but after a while, still in pain, I remember my Prayer Buddy and that my boy is sleeping quietly upstairs. So, I think about my finger in pain as a little present to the one who has appeared! That little baby that smiles to us! Delicious dinner with DH and my two incredible gifts of life sleeping peacefully in their little beds. That is the way baby God has born to my family this year!

 Day 29. December 25. CD 6 and Christmas 2011!! HE HAS APPEARED!!
And last, but not least. I had the honor to pray this Advent for:
http://eucharistalways.blogspot.com/

I am pretty sure that you intentions will be heard! You will find a dignifying job. Please receive a big hug as a present for Christmas!  It has been joyful reading your concise posts. And the way you express your faith through your words. I love them :) You have to know that I am completely surprised by that present given to you!! God bless you forever!

P.S. Sorry for the delay. I have been having tech problems with my blog. And my typing very slow because finger blister.

Advent Journey Part V

Day 16. December 12. CD 32

Our Lady of Guadalupe Feast! That peace in my heart! Thank you dear Prayer Buddy.


Monday. I needed help getting a lot of patience. Children to school. Running and going to my appointment NAET to eliminate allergies. My body DECIDED something related with hormones and egg. Finally we will focus on the order of the first half of the cycle. Clearly, the stress that affects me. Even in an unconscious way. Glorious treatment! It is working slowly. I feel it in my strength and focus has improved dramatically. Prepare meeting later canceled. But that did not know until the 19 hrs. Just before going to church. We expected this. But I know it like the cat, patiently waiting for the bird. With no offense to the respondent and potential donor for our project. So that my God wants me to be more patient. And I thought that the four-year wait for my first son and I had graduated from patience! Anyway. Very, very grateful!

Day 17. December 13. CD 33

Help! I must confess that is starting to irritate me the fact that the length of this cycle. Clearly the stress on the death of my aunt took its toll. And I always felt that peace and tranquility. Moments like this make me think of what might have been the real effect when I had my mother's grief, illness, uncertainty of infertility, difficulty at work. It's definitely part of my medication and treatment. Becoming aware of how I experience the cosas.Clase tennis and chiropractic session. A gift of Advent! Finally, work session. It hurts a little to let the kids today, but is suspended Kindermusik class and I have a little more time with my professional hat. Take this opportunity to provide for the intentions of my Prayer Buddy.


A long visit to a dear friend who is ill. It is an extraordinary woman for her work presented by life. Now it's Mom! You have symptoms of emotional distress. For me clearly the effects of delayed motherhood. Infertile, his beloved son came by adoption. Another sign that we need to improve the adoption process to avoid this from happening. It is too risky for marriage, child and women. Gynecological problems unresolved. A motivation to continue. Albeit at a snail's pace, but we will succeed in this endeavor.

Day 18. December 14. CD 34

I know. I could be considered obsessive by many. For me doesn't matter anymore. I have a gift today. An extra NAET appointment with my acupuncturist. I cannot help. There is a place and will be my penultimate year. Each session will advance light years. This along with tennis, and chiropractic treatment have been the most miraculous medicines. In fact, I'm in a typical week in which my head had been sleeping on a cloud. Even dangerous to drive! Moreover, difficulty concentrating even in a meeting. Or an entire afternoon to look after children alone. Do not say across the city's busiest week of the year! I really recommend looking for a practitioner who live in the U.S. and have symptoms similar to mine so many allergies, unexplained biological infertility, chronic fatigue, and so on. It is a treatment that I am very lucky to have him so close to my house. Very grateful and offer it for my Prayer Buddy.

Day 19. December 15. CD 35

Today I have a dentist. Hahaha! It seems that I work just to go to consultation throughout the city. It doesn't bother me anymore. I believe in what I am doing to get out of unexplained. This is a delayed dental treatment a couple of years and eventually became more serious. This was in June this year, so I had to invest time. And I have to keep doing it! Why? I think an important part, obviously the dentist does not understand, is due to swelling in my case it takes longer to disappear. My aunt in Colombia gave me a crystal therapy sessions. I must say that did not believe this, but it helped me. Possibly she did so lovingly that worked. What worked was certainly starting to take Trans.ferFactor Plus. I heard Dr. H in one of the sessions as Fert.ilityCare Practitioner program I started in October. It was an adventure to find who sold the product in Me.xico and then start taking it. Finally removed the pain and stopped moving my teeth. All my treatments converge. Then the dentist could make the right impressions. The good news is that we will end before the end of the year! Anyway, for me. A visit to the dentist is still a matter of offering. So it goes for you dear Prayer Buddy.


Meeting over lunch to celebrate Christmas with firm´s team. An another chiropractic session in the afternoon. Millions of small things to solve for the fiscal and financial closure of the year. Many things still unresolved. I still feel pressure, but is to be solved. DH will travel next week. Costs a lot to me. I am trying to trust in prayer specially asking Holy Spirit lights to understand than I am only an instrument. How difficult!


Day 20. December 16. CD 36

We started school vacation! It seems a good thing, but it seems to me that everything changes again. Children in pijamas until late. Mom disorganized. Video player used more often than recommended. Children want to go out some time in the day. At last! Patience, patience, patience. Deposits to the account of my Prayer Buddy.

In addition, a client has decided to make a meal, to which we have invited. 20 km from the city. It's a real sacrifice. Who does not live in the city of Mexico, can not imagine what it means to travel both in the last business day of the year. The good news is I finished my work at noon, bank transfers, leaving the kids and invited to accompany the staff members of our client in the Mass of Thanksgiving. From there we will travel all for the place we go. Here is a photo. It's real!

After the event was great. DH and I went to the outlet. We had 3 hours choosing our Christmas presents. We never really time to choose clothes and some accessories. So this is an opportunity that we booked for this time and celebrate with a new look for Christmas Eve dinner at home or do Christmas lunch which is usually DH's family. Also my brothers and other friends invite a few days before. So this year we are going to go well dressed. Or at least some new stuff. What else I can ask for in life?

Advent Journey Part IV

Day 14. December 10. CD 30
Normal saturday. We went to have lunch the four together to Japanese Club. What a great form to rest and to pray during Advent. After their quick lunch, my two kids playing around alone in the playground. DH and I enjoying a tequila, conversation and a delicious teppanyaki. Peace!

Day 15. December 11. CD 31

We have tickets for the Opera at Pala.cio de Bellas Ar.tes! Pagliacci and Cavalleria Rusticana, where Nedda/Colombina is a soprano, my friend since we were in school. So, we are going with some of the girls, my friends of that time! And then, the theatre. You have to see this place. Imponent! Is really like a palace in the middle of the city. Built with white marble. Holds an incredible curtain for the scenario designed in crystal by Tifanny & Co.

Oh! S.O.S! We don't have babysitter for today!! Blank space... ....after a little time of board meeting... ...no worries! We can ask grandma and grandpa. Good idea! Says my son. He is always in every conversation... ...So, we went to leave the kids, but at least we have to pay back with lunch with them. They enjoy so much, but they are old and is not easy, so is not so frequently that we ask them the favour. My friend bought before the tickets for us, so she was waiting at the theatre. Time? 16:15 PM. And we needed to be there at 16:45! Impossible! But it was my DH decision. 

Trying to become more passive and leave him to decide and to lead the way. Soooo hard! Really! Sundays DH stays at that planet of him. Well, finally he decided well. We ran into the metro station! You cannot imagine the contrast between the place we were going and the under world there. Is the perfect example of what Mexico is. Contradiction. And my heart hurts. We are paying $150 pesos, approximately $10 dollars for a single ticket for the Opera. This is more than the almost all the persons traveling with us earns by day!

Miraculously, we arrived. And enjoy an incredible piece of art! Much to give thanks to God in advance for his birth. For me, Art is a way of praying. To meet my human identity, of staring at him, right in the middle of His beautiful Heart, through the beauty, human emotions that can make you feel the actors, the human drama that the author wanted to explain so plastically.

Having this opportunity is a blessing! And at the same time, staying a little bit near of my people, traveling as them. Observing and trying to figure out some stories. I saw a couple, a very young one. The man was carrying a little girl of 2 or 3 years, holding a pink cup with a Disney drawing on it. Made in China, illegal license. Is the only way a girl with his father, an officeboy or a mason to have something like this. In the legal market that costs more than one day of salary! Something is wrong! Then, the wife. A 25 years or something, woman with a wig instead of hair, I noticed after a while. I was trying to guess why. She holds a suitcaise, plenty of clothes, diapers and other things. The metro stopped at the station near the major public hospital zone. Yes! They went out at 9:30 pm. It is not difficult to imagine why. They need to make a row all night to have medical attention in the morning. Maybe her chemotherapy or any procedure. Can anyone imagine this?! They have to sleep waiting outside the clinic with the little girl. And of course, when the mom goes inside, the husband will need to stay outside. There is no place for relatives. Not even a sofa to rest while your wife is there. No words to speak about such injustice. And that is something is continuously see in my country.

I see their sufferings and I feel compassion. Is a way to conitnue giving more thorugh my jobs, dedication and passion to change the world where I live. To serve and make in silence but effectively, that every mexican citizen have equal opportunities that protect their dignity. I know there is so much to do! How can this happen? Mexico is wealthy also! Forbes register many of its world top tycoons here. Is a place where anybody can make money. But why such injustice?

This is one of my inspirations to move forward. I know I cannot do all, but at least we can success in achieving to have the offer of Na.Pro Technology and Fertil.ityCare education, open to many. An then, the dream could become true: Each woman having the opportunity to understand what God have to say her through her body, each couple, each family. One by one. Each woman having access to the medical and gynecological service of the most high quality possible. No mexican woman needs to fight toward any type of cancer before her 30´s! And if she needs,  deserves the best quality ever! Even for dying. Is a social sin. And it seems that Our Holy Mother of Guadalupe wants to be changed in the land She Reigns!

480 years of the presence of Our Mother of Guadalupe! Joy!

MONDAY 12 DECEMBER 10:30AM SOLENNITÀ DELLA BEATA VERGINE MARIA DI GUADALUPE
SANTA MESSA PRESIEDUTA DAL SANTO PADRE
BENEDETTO XVI

http://www.vatican.va/news_services/liturgy/libretti/2011/20111212.pdf

PETITIONS AT BASILICA OF GUADALUPE

http://www.virgendeguadalupe.org.mx/eng/petitions.htm

Advent Journey Part III

Day 9. Monday 5 December. CD 25

New week. Feeling better day by day. NAE.T session with accupuncture to change the way my body uses cortisol in its cells. Now this is going to result in another milestone!! Great sensation. Then we are going to do estradiol, FSH and progesterone, the three of them with egg. I am sure this is working. Why? It sounds very logic that FSH is high because egg or ovum cell not responding. Hopeful.

Did a lot of daily tasks that I had pending, such as payments, invoices, and gathering documents. Great sensation also. Trying to go little by little. Need to offer for my ABP. I do not enjoy too much this paper stuff! Thankyou ABP because I noticed this little details asking graces for you.

A normal day with kids, football and a great idea: going to the toystore to strategic planning! They chose their toys for Christmas list. A lot of endorphines enjoying this beautiful moment with them. I bought an ice-cream for them and me, and  I bought a beautiful Xmas tree at Wal.mart! Definetely a memorable afternoon.

Mass with DH at 20hrs, with kids already sleeping. Thinking about all the ones who asked me to be present in my prayers. Good to saw a girl who I knew had a miscarriage after 2 years TTC, with obvious signs of advanced pregnancy. Yei!! Good for her.

Day 10. Tuesday 6 December. CD 26

Saint Nicholas. By this day I already know that my cycle is going to be of 34 days. What incredible sensation of certainty gives CrM charting!! It has been my life saver for so many years now. It is something I learn from, and shows me that we must take to make that the Fertili.tyCare opportunity is available in Guadalupe´s land.

An hour of tennis early in the morning. Delicious way to gathering endorphines and to correct my cortisol curve! Today I achieved good technique for smash playing. Cold weather is going better because of this exercise. Glorious! Very thankful to my Holy Mother that I feel she is in charge personally of my treatment and health seeking.  10 minutes of sauna and a shower. Treatment on my hair that is beggining to need a cut. A little of physical pampering to help my cortisol and bunch of hormones to acquire balance. yeah! I know we are advancing on it. Now, I can get concentrated on praying without beggining to yawn endlessly. 

Today was chiropractor day. Third week of treatment. Incredible idea! I can feel my body answering to the adjustments. Better digestion, pain lessening despite I am in days of potential PMS. Enough physical force. I can see it in my tennis playing and in daily tasks. Something else that is helping a lot: Transferfactor plus daily. In my life, miracles are worked. 

A prayer also can be of thankfulness. So they go for you, dear ABP.

Meeting with the firm team. So satisfactory! Very motivating clients and projects. Afterwards another time in a Sta.rbucks to have time to work. I used my time to finish my pre-client assignments and to re do part four with which I had enormous problems on comprehension.

Mass with DH at 20 hrs (I love this time!!) and a going to bookshop to spend some time reading. I sat in the cafeteria and I asked for "molletes", delicious grilled bread with cheese and beans with a "pico-de gallo" salsa. Mmmmm!! Yummie! At the same time hold a conference call by sk.ype with my supervisor.

Day 11. Wednesday 7 December. CD 27

Meeting at my son's school with psychologist. We are concerned about the environment. Some aggressive behaviors of kids affect class relationships. I felt receptiveness. God! I have been praying for this. Little daughter was left at home with nanny, so needed to offer for you ABP.

Then, meeting with the most known and controversial pro-life leader down here. Historic interview! I asked all what I needed to. Incredible way of praying and working. The whole system he founded, saves throughout lat.inamerica at least 100 babies daily!!! As well, they save the souls of their vulnerable pregnant mothers. In many cases it is a teenager with very, very sad stories, full of injustice, behind. Please pray for him and for the network of people (including donors, friends, volunteers and staff) that makes this silent titanic labor.

Afterwards picking up DH @ "Club de Ind.ustriales", which is in the J.W Ho.tel and where very important meetings are held daily. It was a Board Meeting of one of our clients, but he finished just before lunch. I only walked and no entering because there was special corps that guard the President. We had plans to eat together. We couldn't went to our italian favorite restaurant, bud we had a very good argentinian lunch. In a rush because we needed to go back to the south part of the city for a report meeting with the Board President of a client institution who gathers catholic entrepreneurs who want to apply Christian Social Doctrine into their business. He is an entrepreneur himself. So very productive and interesting meeting. I considered myself privileged! Prayers of thanks on behalf my dear ABP. Also for you, the one who is praying for me.

Immaculate Conception's Eve Mass with DH. How thankful I am with this gift!! At the beginning of our marriage, we had opportunity to assist together. Even to spend sometimes adoration with no time problem. But then, with kids, dramatic change. And struggling with business. We had not time to do it daily together. I suffered a lot that. I knew he needed as much as I pray and daily Mass.

Day 12. Thursday 8 December. CD 28.

The so waited, Feast day!!! The congretation who founded my school, taught me to celebrate this day since very young. 

After getting up, breakfast and leave kids at school, my tennis class!! Glorious endorphins!

I was told by MTTBAM about the devotion of hour of grace. Our Mother promised to come back to earth each 8 of december from Noon to 13 hours. So,  how I was going to throw away such opportunity!?! Then, I ran in my tennis to the chapel of the Op.usDei center near my home. Incredible gift!! Alone in the chapel. With the Holy Eucharist reigning in the tabernacle for the world. Me and he and her mother. So many things to be meditated!  I know this devotion is becoming fruitful! Not because miracles could be seen, just because my heart feels the connection. I just remembered about the frost said to become of an image in Colombia that my dear friend show me two or three months ago. The image was the same of the devotion I learn to do today: Mary of Mystical Rose of Montichari.

Lunch with kids after picking them at school. Homeworks and somethings left in my To Do list. Afternoon at club, them playing, and me with FCI assignments. 

No car because DH took it to make a periplus in the city, which in december resembles to hell. I was not going out of the neighborhood, but the evening Mass is held at 10 minutes car trip. So asked for a taxi and met with DH. Thankful prayers for you dear ABP. 

Tried to go to cinema, but not good movies. Instead, stayed at home and prepared a delicious risotto for us while kids already sleeping!

Day 13. Friday 9 December. CD 29.

CD 29. Remember the times where this day of cycle was day of questioning and the beginning of montlhy pain.

Without CrM in my life before, I would be thinking that I had a delay. And in that times, gynecologist sending a pregnancy test. And my tears after a new negative result! Without even knowing anything!! Fishing in the dark reproductive medicine! Thank you for the answer Dr. H!! Now I know I have to focus on make this offer available for more women.

Grateful for what I know now! Heart without fear because knows how the body works. 

So expected planning day for Na.Pro here!! DH an I traveled through the busy an infernal city to a a very crowdy area these days, which is not so far away where MTTBAM lives. Incredible session. So many things! Professionally documented, we are going to have the interview well planned. In my heart, I know that we are raising the money we need, as well as the will and support of somebody who has a mission shared with us. We are going to be able to officially agree how to continue involving him in this entrepreneurship.

Day 14. Saturday 10 December. CD 30.

Beautiful morning spent at home. Doing nothing. Breakfast with a lot of time. Playing with kids in the yard. Getting a little bit of sun. A coffee well done, no rush at all. Updating my blog and preparing us to lunch outside together. Maybe going to the movies and then afternoon to read after children already sleeping. Let´s see!! Prayers for you dear ABP!!

Advent Journey Part II

Day 7 Saturday 3rd December. CD 23
Weekend. Thanks God! Way to the party of my sister's son who is his fourth birthday. She asked us to arrive where was going to be by noon. The party was going to take place where our family house was. A place near a golf club where any of my brothers and sister nor me live near.  Despite both mom and dad have passed away, we maintain that house for many inexplicable reasons, matter of maybe a future publication. So, long long way to Mexico City suburb. Certainly strong traffic and two anxious kids in the car. And two parents, stressed because the trip and the family gathering.

I really do not know, how we manage NOT to arrive on time to almost any place! We do not sleep until late; we just need to close the house and go out. But no, in general we start our way at the time we are supposed arrive to where we are going.

Now is 13 hours and we are still on the way, very very  far away. Maybe we will make 40 minutes or an hour. Patience to the bucket of offerings for my Advent Prayer Buddy.

Trying at the same time no to kill DH! I feel he do not cooperate. Think is absurd because he does. But, we are going to be late. I think that containing my impulse counts a lot and Our Lord will use it for the good of my ABP.


Day 8. Sunday 4 December. CD 24
2nd Advent Sunday! Yei!! Opportunities to gather pills of strength in spiritual life.
So began the day with great family breakfast. Easy see and enjoy my little presents from God.

Bad news. Today we have another birthday party. We need to go, because I know my son was one of the three invited of the whole classroom. For making it more challenging (why not?), the birthday party was going to be a pool party. So, new kind of offerings for my ABP. Preparing the suitcaise: diapers, clothes, more clothes, shoes, sandals, sunblocker, etc... ...the whole house.

Eventhough we get up early... Guess what?! We started our trip almost one hour late. We neither went to Mass at the morning. Grrrrr... the mother whispers for herself and tries to stay calmed and smiling. Besides we arrived late, of course, our both incredible children decided not to enter to the pool at the pool party. Dot.

After one hour in political dialogue (yes, one entire hour! it´s amazing how stubborn that a two-year-old princess can be) to convince them to get into the pool. Great!! Only 20 minutes of splashing and they need to get out, rushing to more activities. More for you, dear Advent buddy prayer!!


Next step: intoxicate your own people with colourings, carbohidrates, sugars, sodas... ...when you get what you do not consider enough. Try to get out in a polite manner. We do so. So we were out at 15 hours with the empty stomach and late to any familiar dominical option. Kids? With prominent eyeballs due to previous intoxication.

So, urgent parental board meeting. And we decided, why not? VISIT TO GRANDPARENTS!!! Yes, that is the only place we have enough trust to arrive so late, tired, with two little sacks and really starving at 15:30 a sunday. Just needed to present a Shrek´s cat face and ready!!

But nothing is for free. Kids need to stay connected to something until detox completed. Easy, only one children´s movie at grandparents house: Ratatouille in its playing number 1,000,003. Don´t worry!! It still works!! And in that way, grown children of papa and mama can have a little time to hear the elders patiently.

The end: attending Advent Mass at 19 hours, kids and parents exhausted. Worst scenario possible, but Mercy of God through his Guardian Angels, operated a plan for us and everything flowed smoothly. Thus, we arrived home with an exultant heart to rest and continue our adventure for the next week of hope. Now, being grateful, on behalf of my Advent Prayer Buddies, that are sustaining me, wherever they are.

Advent Journey Part I

Day 1, Sunday 27 November. CD 17
Feeling in the middle line. No pain, energy neither. Making an effort and thinking about my Advent Prayer buddy, the task of making the second part of breakfast. The first was done by DH. Not enough. Delicious sugared crepres. My children and I so spoiled by dad. Thanks!! Love you!

Advent Mass and an extraordinary homily. Priest talked about living faith as a way of acquiring "membership rewards" to enter to Heaven. He said that Advent is Jesus who wants to born in our hearts. He wants us to trust in him  Deep matter of meditation on His Holy Sacred Heart. I liked it!!

We saw some friends. Cold day and with warm conciousness about starting a new year on the faith. And my son screaming just before communion: "Has finished?, Can we go home?"And me? Just feeling that every soul in Church has heared his bright little tiny voice. More prayers for my Advent Prayer buddies (the one who prays for me, and the one who I pray for she).

Day 2, Monday 28 November. CD 18
Praying a Holy Mary and trying to arrive on time to NAET practitioner office.  A session to treat T3 hormone with Yolk. Checked and allergy gone. Strange? I have the feeling it will be a milestone!
That is the way I have been taking rid of my interminable allergies that maintained my life kidnapped. Day by day achieving freedom. If you have allergies or just things that do not feel right and the medicine just control, I suggest use of NAET.

Afternoon Mass with DH. Day of less domestic help. Chiropractor session totally forgotten. Intense preparation of big donor prospect meeting and posterior cancellation. Apparent esterile work. No cervical mucus appereance and it is CD 18! Offering of feeling frustrated and making an effort to trust in God.


Day 3, Tuesday 29 November. CD 19
Tennis and a day of making things slowly. And still, there are dry days. Making an effort to stay at home and deal alone with kids. Using creativity and buckets of patience. Success.

I couldn't arrived to monthly retreat because I made arrangements not to go due to meeting, cancelled after. More offering for Advent Prayer buddy. Afternoon Mass. Maybe one of the coldest days I ever lived in my whole city life. But guess what?! I didn't feel bad!! Is the exercise? Or finally my hormones are becoming equilibrated thanks to my long NAET treatment!? Let's see! Thanks to my Advent Prayer buddy who is sustaining me during this Advent Time, hope and conversion time.

Day 4. Wednesday 30 November. CD 20
Offering making payments. Also feeling of uncertainty about money in the account. I know is stupid, but I have to deal with that. Trying to relax and going deeper in Jesus Heart.

Session with chiropractor at afternoon. This time I take the kids and incredible I knew he was going to say what he told about Mariabeatriz. Shorter left leg. Little adjustment and everything settled. My elder boy is perfect, no adjustment needed. And for me,  advancing and the gift feeling better. Definitely is working. Gift of God! Even if I didn´t expect it. Thanks for your prayers dear Advent Prayer buddy, wherever you are!

Finally pre-client assignments sent to my supervisor. Only remains Chart Correction. Offering effort to do so for my Advent Prayer Buddy!!

Day 5, Thursday 1st December. CD 21
Patience, patience, patience. Day of Advent preparation at elder son school. Having to make an effort to contain opinion, but finally exploded saying about the kids behaviour. It is understood as an agression and not as an obedience behaviour in our lacerated educational community. Of course, I do not feel heared by principal. Offering this situation. I know Our Holy Mother is the patron of our school. So need to trust.

Great time with old friends at a breakfast celebrating one´s birthday. All of them possible FertilityCare System Clients. Endorphines!! Something happened because I got a lot of cervical Mucus! Why? I insist. Feeling loved, the consequence of friendship?

Meeting with the person I chose to ask about Trans.ferFactor. Office is walking from house. Spent 200 usd but having the strong feeling that this will help. I heared Dr. H about the uses in a conference and in personal meeting with him he said I would work. I still do not registered with the PP.VI I, but frankly knowing I needed to start with this.

Cervical Mucus appeared! Great! Isn´t!?

Day 6, Friday 2 December. CD 22

Day of stupidity. I offer my feelings to you dear Advent Buddy. Long meeting at Josemaria's school. Again, principal in a deffensive attitude. Parents not heared. The meeting's theme? Behaviour rules. Jesus! Where are going to end!? Apparentely sterile conversation. 

Arriving 15 minutes late to my tennis class. Another thinking about for you my dear buddy prayer and of course for Na.Pro in latinamerica and all intentions, particularly AMTTBAM. 

DH he arrived to lunch at home. He asked me to buy him a ticket to Guate.mala. He has sold a project there and he is going... ...from december 19 to 23... ...strong feeling of being abandonned. Why? Kids on vacation, cold weather, maybe. The most is that I felt he didn't ask me about the plan. It is just that! Bad conversation after this event. Spent afternoon with kids and DH in club. Screaming of my oldest son because he didn't want to say thanks to chief of tennis clinic for an popsicle she gave to him. My irritability arriving to dangerous levels without my awareness. What happened next? Arriving home to bath kids. DH sit reading. Me, with kids at tube. 5 minutes and elder son drop eu.cering expensive gel soap all around in 2 seconds! Bubbles everywhere. Screaming of the kids. Chaos.  Why I didn't prevail that could happen? Trying to figure out in my about a fiscal problem with a dental great expense! Another lesson about need to separate thinking about work or home management during attending kids. 

I screamed at Josemaria. And more crying and more irritation. Lost of control. Not even having chance to offer. Feeling bad several hours later. Good, that after I went with DH to the movies and had chance to give my mind a break. Good as well that my husband prepared (from a box of course) a delicious fondue for the kids and us. This helped a lot to settle hormones back and to have chance to have a big hug with the soap killer, pray and sleep them in peace. More offers for you, Prayer Buddy

Hidden stealers of cervical mucus

My aunt died two weeks ago. Single and with no children. She worked since teenager to help her parents. Born in LA in 1927, raised in the USA and taken back to Mexico, just after the war ended.

I have been named with her name. So I feel I have a strange connection with her. Again another moment in my life that God has settled to get make me connect to his love.

Everything was very quick. My aunt was going to celebrate her 84th birthtday the day she began to feel really bad.  Her intestine just stopped. The first time in her entire life that she passed the night at a hospital. And went out the next day, but only to came back the following one. Just for die. In the perfect time, after seeing her nephews, nieces, brother and sister. Perfect use of resources. She was and lived in that way.


Last five years she began to have problems with memory. And she was suffering because of the death of my father. Her belowed brother. They held a very fraternal relationship. In 1973 she began to colaborate with my father as an accountant of capital campaigns in Mexico. At the end she counted over 200 million dollars!

She was a person who lived what she needed to live. Always putting in first place her family, she decided not to marry after not being lucky with a relationship. But always thinking in her parents, her brothers and sisters in law, her nieces and nephews.


When she got 79, my husband and I helped her to get her retirement. And she planned very well about her money. She wanted to live alone until the most she could. But for the last 4 years was not possible anymore. So, was a great pain for me that she were with such poor memory and alone in a residency for elderly people. At the same time I was in the first years of my two children, so really we hadn´t other option but what we have done.

So, I really felt that God had decided to take her after a long, well lived life.

Very proud of my brothers and sister, of my cousins because everybody was helping during her last hours. In fact she was being taken care by a cousin, that took her to her house and was the one who was in charge very carefully last months.

The funeral was very simple but beautiful. We had a Mass the first day after her death with a priest friend of the family. Then in saturday, when the deposit of the traces, we had another Mass, with songs, flowers and in first place her little grandchildren nephews. So faith was present and sad because of death, but definetely with the joy of hope. Good farewell dear aunt!

And what happened with my cycle? Clear effects of stress during the first days: long cycle.

Why? If I didn´t feel that I was sad about my aunt? Could be something in my deep unconsciousness that makes my body react? I do not know. And I would like to. I can´t imagine how many stealers of my precious cervical mucus my body have to deal with daily and I don´t even realize about them!

How to manage this and learn not to get every stressor inside my body? I have to learn a lot. Subject of study. Suggestions would be appreciated.

Hope time

Today has been a day as many others.

And at the same time it has been not.

Is the only day dated 30th of November of the whole year 2011. I wake up a little more tired. Maybe because the effects of daily morning exercise I have been trying to do last months. Muscles that I am using after a long time. Pain that helps to discover existence of those muscles.

And at the same time is my return to blogging!

So, its a Hope time!

Just a note to say hello and to try to get back sharing about what we believe in: life, love, joy and hope.

Sunday in our way to church

Today in the car in our way to Mass, I was talking with my children and my toddler nephew who spent last night in our home. DH was already there because he went to a little job meeting before, so I was driving alone with the children seated in their respective busters at the back.

During certain moment of conversation my first, told to his little sister and his cousin that we were going to church because we have to be grateful with God and we have to thank him because we have a family.

I felt my heart completely full! My almost five year boy was capable to explain the essential with few words!!

That means he understands in what we believe.

That means that we have been able to teach him about our tradition, our faith and God.

At least he understands to be able to explain, unless he wasn't able to pay attention most of the time later.

I felt that I was beeing payed for so many times his loudly tiny voice was heared all around when I tooked him with me to church. Pay me back the day when I took him in the stroller and he spill all over the place his milk beause he learned patiently how to open the bottle during the homily. Or the day I stayed very prudently outside near a loudspeaker, but our priest saw us and took me and him to the first line. And he demonstrated the worst behaviour I ever knew.

Anyway. I really feel that this little explanation is a milestone about the dedicated work my husband and I, and indeed his school catechism teacher, have done.

This makes me appreciate more the task of being mother and to remind which are my truly priorities.

An extraordinary gift for any given sunday,  isn't?

Back

Back to blog, not back from death. I have ever been there. And when I said there, it means there-there. Many interesting things have happened in the last two weeks of january.

First. My health. Incredible change. I don´t know if it was the fall I had or my hormones found their way. Definetely I feel much better. Incredible better! Today is CD1 and I am amazed that I don´t even have a little pain. For first time in many years I didn´t need to dialogue with fogginess and dizziness during these hours. Eventhough fybromialgia has not dissapeared, pain seems to be less. So, what happen!? I still don´t know. I don´t have complete factors in my mind to explain. Key issue here is that I feel as a regular human being and that I am enjoying it.  Really enjoying!

Second. Consequence of health I have been very efficient. That means that I have slept, worked, kept the house, spent time with DH and children, had all my meals on time, prayers, daily Mass, Rosary... ...and many other activities without feeling to be hurtening my adrenals. How could I lived all these years feeling so bad?! It´s very clear the difference bettwen "before" and "after". The only words I have in my mouth are: Thank you Lord!! Thanks, thanks, thanks.

Third. In one day (January, 26th) I agreed 3 paid jobs! My prayers were answered.

In one hand, I am very clear that I need to raise my children with quality time and mind, but in the other I know that I need to work. Not because I need the money, but paid is good for me and I love to earn good money. But also because I know how to do things. God gave me very specific talents that have a professional market and I need to dedicate them to serve because are useful to create a better community, and finally a better world for my family. What I hadn' t found before is a client that allows me to work only for 3 days a week and be enough payed.

In this way, I will have time to dedicate to my beloved volunteer jobs!

The first job is asked by a client that comes to me completely tailored: I will be working on establish the fundraising function for the leading national network of adoption agencies.

Clearly is an organization that I share values with: is catholic and the leading one. I feel like fish in water. I have began talking with some of the adoptive parents and is incredible to have the same language! That gives me many advantages in aspects such as Case development, training people to raise, raise big donors, understand beneficiaries.

In fact, my new client is not only an "adoption agency". It's much more. The first step of their program is to receive young or helpless pregnant women. And mission begins with convincing them to keep their children. Last year there were 909 women pregnant having their babies! Yes! 909 babies that have been saved from abortion!! And there were 221 babies given in adoption. That means that 688 mothers decided to raise their children and 221 make an extraordinary long-life gift of love to the baby each conceived. You have to see the houses were these women are invited to live during pregnancy! They receive what they need: praise to human dignity, care, quality medical services, food, catechism, pastoral attention, friendship... ...something they never , never had... ...in that circumstances they can really talk to God and understand their mission and vocation. Be a mother o be a biological mother. Whatever they choose.

It's important to explain that Mexico follows Hague's protocol on adoption, which means that biological mother, onces she has decided to give her child, she loses completely legal filiation on behalf child wellbeing. So what this organization has done during last 30 years, is to promote full adoption as a public policy. In this way, since Mexico signed Hague Convention in 1992, full adoption is recognized at constitutional law level throughout the country.

Other advantage is that recently recruited CEO for this organization, is my friend and I feel very good working with her. She is professional, young and experimented, catholic, married woman with four children! Somebody that understands me because we have same circumstances. It is better that any payment to work with people that understand you, having a chief that you have to convince about your life or faith is a mess. And I have confirmed that almost all of the board members, specially with the ones that I will lead, as well about staff members that share values and beliefs. It´s a good beginning to raise funds succesfully!

Something is not easy to find in a nonprofit or in a social project these days is that they have a budget! A little one, but at least a budget. Is not a budget to invest in fund raising, but they have to pay me a decent seed money to raise the development budget. Give me a lever and will move the world!!

And finally, for first time in my professional life, they were searching people to work in fund raising according to AFP- Association of Fund Raising Professionals code of ethics.  This is very important to me because there are very few nonprofits in Mexico that have this frame. I know about this because my father was first latinamerican member of this organization and back in 1970´s he hold membership number 65.  He confirmed with his long life experience with mexican nonprofits that is possible to apply and use succesfull fundraising used by USA major universities, colleges, hospitals and other nonprofits. Despite, today AFP has more 16,000 members in USA and Canada, in Mexico we reach only 50 individual members.

In fact, my father become the first Certified Fund Raising Executive in 1985 and during many years, until latest 90´s, he was the only mexican maintaining that certification. Then 4 more professionals become certified. It´s all. One passed away, my father also, so today there are only 3 that maintain certification. Principal reason is that to get the certification you need to show you have the results at the levels USA nonprofits raise funds. So if in Mexico, we don't show that results, very few professionals can achieve certification. This situation ilustrates a little about the reality of mexican third sector and the omnipresence of welfare state in a country which its society consumes until create  richest man in the world, but at the same time has poverty and violence as most undeveloped countries in the world. What is like a coke in the desert is that the Fund Raising Comitee President of my new client, had AFP's reference for the recruiting interview I had with him. My client has at least the correct frame, when there are maybe only 10 or 30 nonfprofits in Mexico that believe in ethical fundraising and that follow succesfull principles and techniques, as I learn in theory by my father's experience and mine since 1997.

With this on desk I don`t want to address to the only issue I don't like: I have to drive almost 30 kms to arrive each day. Very against factor. Depending on hour, I can make 15 mins or 1 hr... But I am allowed to do a lot of homeoffice.

Then, what else can I ask for a job?!

The second job is to do exactly the same for a catholic rural school for girls. Amazing, right?!? It´s a 50 years old nonprofit and they need to develop their fundraising program inmediately. For first time in their history the institution have money (no too much, but it has) to invest on development. This was my golden dream for years. Despite having almost 20 years more than VI.FAC, the institution is not in the same level. Anyway I hope it will be opportunity to develop a long-term client for my firm. I have to day that I have not completely make the agreement, but I think is not so difficult to set final terms soon.

Definetely I must recruit at least a very reliable personal assistant. With a higher salary last one had. So inmediately I asked today to Our Lady of Guadalupe to help me find a good one. And maybe there will be need to recruit two or three students to help with Vi.Fac initial phase. Also asked to Our Lady in urgent mode...

As you can see, both of my brand new projects seems to be related in many things. They are related with my voluntary responsibilities and will help with Na.Pro in Mexico. Also, they fit as a glove with a project I have working for the last six months addressing to family financial and consuming needs. This gives me a lot of peace. I doesn't seem that I am just leaving what we have been investing lately.

Besides, I have our family foundation support, because both projects impacts in fundraising and civic participation strengthening. I have to note that DH and I stablished foundation about I am telling, so is not a RICH one. It has been created to spread, study and apply my father´s professional legacy and with the purpose of economically support our work when cannot be payed at market level. So that doesn't mean that I live as John Carter in E.R. OK!?

I resigned to third job before begin it. I was asked to teach (payed) "human values class" (cathecism) to a community hospital nursery school. Despite I was very motivated to do that because of Na.Pro, feasibility to achieve my other commitements is my priority. So I called a very good friend and proposed to do that job. She accepted and because of personal circumstances I feel that this will be very good for her in this moment. She will begin with this tomorrow!! And Na.Pro don't loose this forum because she knows about what AMTTBM and I have been doing and she knows about women health issues.

Precisely, this friend will read this publication, because is follower. Two weeks ago, she told me that I was the worst blogger she ever know. I promised myself I would try to publish again, but I couldn't. I was involved in setting up again a very complex logistic and ordering family life including new tasks. Today, when I could ate at time, went to my accupuncture, went with my children to art classes, have a very long meeting organizing Vi.Fac 2011 campaing, went to Mass and had time to blog, I decided that I have returned, even I never left. I was there-there. What I have been doing, explains everything. Good justification and a good motivation to find my blogging rithm again. Biological rithms to every dimension to help life to be connected by itself... ...re-connected.

Let's see!

A Tribute

Our dear friend Mañel passed away early in the morning of this luminous 13 of january, first month of 2011.

Had 48 years.

His wife Ceci and their 3 beautiful little children incredible standing with the force of faith.

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis that began march 2010 was his Cross and he embraced it so proudly that no one can complain of its own. Definitely he lived and go far away as a Missionary.

All his friends cried today at Mass, even the priest who accompanied family last days.


We will miss you!

And pray for us!!

Pain with Jesus saves, without Jesus hurts.

True, right?

A friend told me some minutes ago about these words that are said by his uncle, a bishop, who is ill and that he uses to say phrases to teach and to help himself in keeping on the goal. (I ask prayers for him).

Little accident has consequences. Pain almost in all muscles in my body. It feels as if I had gone up to a 5,000 meters mountain in one day. Just made an appointment por relaxing massage. First step. Texting with my accupuncturist, who is our head family health advisor, told me about some specific tapping, which I will start right after blog. Second step. Some Juniper Just Cream in my muscles also. Third step.

Let's see how it works.

I have no longer sinusitis... ...now I have cough. Is not the pain, is the tiredness.

Anyway the point is about the change of attitute I am working on. REFRAME, as doctor Therese de Lisieux points. Best medicine ever.


For Na.Pro project in Mexico, my friend AMTTBM and I had a long session presenting, discussing and receiving spiritual advice. What a beatiful and motivating gift to go ahead! How many words I feeled I have to print in my soul!!

ONE
Something I catched is about the wrong concept of security we have, living in world with such materialistic mind surrounding. That is the task. Truly believing in God and leaving all in His hands. Wow! How!? I have to go to the bank, shop groceries, pay bills, my body aches, children scream, tasks to be done, contracts to be signed, finallly work to be done... ...this should be were I could find him and find real security and profund certaintity. But I have to confess that something happens... ...it's hard not to be a "control freak" of family processes. Maybe eternal tension between soul and body? Anyway I will we working on this. Suggestions accepted.

TWO
When you live, you feel. So that means that we can get ill. Pain. If you make a daily plan and it brokes down. Pain. Children needs something, let's say food. Mom or dad needs to go ahead at 3:00 AM... Work, human relations, familiar situations... ...Emotions, adrenaline, effort. More pain. Intolerance, frustration... So, how to use that to getting toward Jesus holding ours Holy Mother hand? OK. Also agree. But, how to reframe? Also suggestions accepted.

Bishop told us about a family who has live with father in coma for a long time. Event make family stronger, really a strong family, each member a better person, a strong faith also among them. So, what happens? That instead of seeing the "what for", they were asking "why". So they feel pain that hurts, instead of using that human pain for embrace Cross joyfully...

I am absolutely sure that each event in my life is for a "what for"... ...but, "what for"?

More to meditate about...

The fall.

This is my first post.  The first with the purpose of sharing my life as wife and mom. And by sharing to learn more about me and about what God wants of me as wife, mother and woman, in my family, right in time He gave to me.

Also, I think, maybe sharing and letting available in blogsphere thoughts written, could help, who knows, a little bit to anyone who in need, arrive to this words.

Title comes, because today, just when I put my first step at stairs of Church, arriving to daily Mass, I fell.

Yes! In such a foolish way... ...completely to the floor! Down with my two poor skinny knees... ...thanks to my Guardian Angel my hands were very helpful and finally I don´t have any wound, neither broken bone. I was wearing my favourite mom-who-runs shoes and rough new le.vis jeans!

The positive thing is that the fall created such lightning right in the middle of my life. How much I needed that!!!

Just for the curious: The only consequece —I hope— is that as I write I feel is a little pain in neck and upper back. Exactly in the way you feel when a another car has hit yours from the back.

Well, going back to the subject...

Just before fall, I feel completely exhausted because intensity and creativity of "vacation" with my 4-year-old son, and my beatiful 2 year-old little doll. Besides, I got some kind of a virus last week and that leave me a one-week sinusitis, some nights of past weekend without complete sleep because children with normal fever episode and allergic cough, typical of weather. Dear husband working a lot, happy, but in extreme stress, also fighting continuously with opportunistic viruses. Bills, daily errands, strategic business and foundation issues and many, many, projects, ideas and day-by-day tasks, all of this flying in my mind during the day and that come from last year commitment... ...particularly  support and colaboration with "A Martha trying to be Mary" on achieving that Na.Pro Technology and Creig.hton Model Ferti.lity Care Sys.tem becomes available to families and women in this Guadalupe Mother´s land. That´s another story later I should write... ...indeed by she I has been inspired to create and get compromise by this blog, despite my apparently full-agenda of mom and social entrepreneur by our own.

So "the fall" by itself and circumpstances make me to feel completely in the floor, emotionally speaking also. But, what happen when you fall?! That you cannot go down further. Right!?

Instantanly, I began to see in my mind a series of very quicky "snapshots" of my life during last 22 years:

- My mom's death at 44 and me her oldest at 19, her undiagnosed breast cancer, our fragile family headed by a confused- in-pain man, myself in first year of college, two handsome but young men between16-17 years and a 7 year old, very loved "little" sister. How to continue after having lost the battle of 5 years against cancer, and without explanation and missing the most beautiful and practical woman we ever met?

- Also dad's bipolar disorder during 18 years, a year after mom passed away (including a suicide attempt, why not?). And years later, that seemed as centuries for me, a very quick, very agressive and absolutely unexpected cancer  with very emotional last days and finally death..  ...three years ago... ...Oh my daddy ! He was an achiever. By sure I will dedicate many chapters to my adventures with him.

- Going through a very difficult financial situation because my dear Dad had to leave his succesful fundraising career. He become completely depressed, with no diagnose. With no idea about bipolarity (it is not as in the movies). Unexperienced and dreamful teenagers (my next brother and I) took the task of closing contracts with a very big hospital and a huge university engaged for leading 4-5 years Capital Campaigns each one, isolated in pain and with no idea of how to do things. We had to close the firm which happened that despite having over 30 employees and associates, nobody wanted to lead the way as my father did over 30 years of hard work.  But how can my brother and I can do anything more? We were in our first years at college, so the only thing that we had clear in that moment was about graduate for our futures. That is why I began to work since that time by my own, and the reason why later I met the man who I married later.

- Significant moments of journey of joyful, but very intense due following marriage vocation against ordinary. Years of love and work together (I really mean together, as partners) DH (whom we call Pp) and I, living that time childless, but very appasionately since age 23, including all this years of unexplained biological infertility (yes I know you understand, illness, shadow of bipolar disorder and cancer, surgeries, lost of and ovarium after a long Clom.id intake, exhaustion, fibromialgia, depression, fear, fogginess, dizziness and all unexplainable moods and symptoms related to my condition;

Why I remembered all this? I don't know exactly.

And I cried for a long time at Mass and when I drove back to home. I begged God that everything stops... ...in that moment I feeled that I couldn't suffer more... ...but seconds later, with total peace, I realized the nature of my petition I asked him to give me the force to maintain my eyes in the goal: arriving one day to his house, after living what His inmense Mercy has considered to me as His Will.

But I have to confess: I am exhausted!! Is NOT fear to follow His Will. It is only ABSOLUTE TIREDNESS.

It has been very intense, but following to paradox of Death and Resurrection, with such pain many, many kinds of blessings have rained in form of roses all over my heart during this years! Blessings that have make our life very fruitful!  I promise I'll write about each one in the future. You will enjoy! For example the day we received our first son, Josemaria! Or the day Mariabeatriz, our princess came to our lives forever! Or when we had the oportunity to collaborate to the visit of John Paul II to Cuba, and many other amazing and vocational social projects on behalf children, family, Church and social advancement for Mexico. Anyway, you will hear.

So here I am. Figuring my new life. Yes, NEW LIFE. I decided that when I was pampering my knees and hands, seated feelling miserable in the stairs, because I couldn´t get up. Staring, since this was the only view available from the position I was, Our Lady´s of the Peace eyes up in the altar, and leaning right in front of Saint Charbel statue... ...what God-incidences! ;)

I have to say that definetly, I received beautiful "lively" inspiration by the reading, I have been doing during holiday weeks around an exceptional "sisterhood" of extraordinary, corageous and faithful women, who live in their flesh —literally— the Cross of Infertility, as many of you have named our common suffering. Thank to you all! The fact that you shared your very personal stories through the blogsphere has help to change my life and decide to start a new one since right now.

It has been an incredible Christmas 2010 present!  Why? Because I live in my own flesh this painful and sometimes incomprenhensible for the world, but extremely delicate and intimate, pain in cooperation—at least I try every minute to do so— with the Cross of Our Lord. I firmly believe that we, these women, are like many of the insignificant women the Gospel speaks about, asking insistently for a miracle to Our Lord. Particularly, my heart is maintained alive, by this passage:

"Now there was a woman who had suffered from a haemorrhage for twelve years; after long and painful treatment under various doctors, she had spent all she had without being any the better for it; in fact, she was getting worse. She had heard about Jesus, and she came up through the crowd and touched his cloak from behind, thinking, 'If I can just touch his clothes, I shall be saved.' And at once the source of the bleeding dried up, and she felt in herself that she was cured of her complaint. And at once aware of the power that had gone out from him, Jesus turned round in the crowd and said, 'Who touched my clothes?' His disciples said to him, 'You see how the crowd is pressing round you; how can you ask, "Who touched me?" 'But he continued to look all round to see who had done it. Then the woman came forward, frightened and trembling because she knew what had happened to her, and she fell at his feet and told him the whole truth. 'My daughter,' he said, 'your faith has restored you to health; go in peace and be free of your complaint.' Mark 5, 25-34 

Isn´t God speaking directly to us?

How many times I have find myself thinking, just THINKING I mean, when going to receive the Holy Communion: "Jesus, please, this cycle, please"... murmuring... "a baby, just one little baby, please". Anyway, in my case, this haven't ever happened... ...not at least in the last almost 17 years we have been married. And it didn't happened in the way though: biologically. But finally we received the blessing of children of God by another, and more (how can I say?) creative and cooperative way: A-dop-tion!

Marvelous, ancient and honorable institution: Becoming parents by work, will, law, faith, patience, endurance, and most of all, a lot of "papers". Ha, ha, ha, at least I have found an explanation to the Adrenal Fatigue, that (gloriously?!) was diagnosed last year.

The change in my life I decided is to completely stop and see back, forgive and continue in a new attitude. More focused to what I have and not to what I don't.

Well, this is only my first post, so further I will write down all the story... ...the story of the journey through life, we exactly choose to began to live since the19th of march of 1994! (OMG! And I still have something to chart!) With Saint Joseph as patron of our marriage. Imagine that? Patron Saint of adoptive families, our Patron Saint since the very beginning. I firmly believe it was a sign since then, that I couldn't even imagine.

Frankly speaking, this task will be a little bit difficult, since my maternal language is not English. So I apologize and ask for your comprehension. By sure, my lack of vocabulary and undeveloped skills will cause disruptions of all kinds over your beautiful and concrete language. In the other hand, because I prefer to navigate and read with my ipod, I am a little bit scared about if I will achieve seating frequently and with discipline to write in laptop...

...but as I have learned in many of the "practical sessions" of the"Emotional Doctorate" that has been my life util "The Fall", life which I began to share...

...Let´s see!